Scared to step on the scale

DietBet Starting WI June 27After another terrible eating weekend, I’m afraid that I’m not going to like the number I see when I get on the dreaded scale this morning.

But I’m just as afraid NOT to weigh-in.

Sure, many bloggers write about the freedom that comes with not watching the scale … not being a slave to the evil metal monster. It’s just a number, and not a measure of much of anything, really. Your weight can fluctuate up to two pounds a day.

But for me, the scale is a way to hold myself accountable. It’d be nice to declare independence from the scale, but I just can’t.

I think I’ve confessed this to y’all before: I avoid the scale when I haven’t been eating the way I know I should. I ate myself back up to 250 pounds — twice — by burying my head in the sand. Checking in with the evil metal monster on a regular basis forces me to confront problems early.

Having said that, I have another confession: I’ve been a little adrift since canceling my Weight Watchers membership. I haven’t yet settled into a specific plan.

FroYoThe Lose It! app is easy to use, and I’ve been tracking most days (except  last weekend.) Since I started using the app on June 25, I’ve been over my calorie goal four of the seven days I tracked. One day, it was 148 calories over. Then 81. Then 54. And on Monday, 168, thanks to that fro-yo I had after dinner. Or maybe I should blame the movie popcorn/hot dog that served as my lunch.

At this rate, I’m going to lose another DietBet. Grr. So not the way I envision this month going.

Tracking isn’t sexy and it isn’t fun. But it IS necessary.

Yes, I can have it all … but when I do, I need to write it down. Knowing the stats for my eats will make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth. And maybe knowing I have to journal it will prevent me from raiding the office vending machine … or from ordering that popcorn from the concession stand.

Perhaps I should declare independence from dieting instead of independence from the scale. So often, I get off track when I let one less-than-optimal choice spiral out of control.  That “I blew it so I might as well keep eating” feeling, paired with the whole “I’d better eat it now because I’m giving it up tomorrow” phenomenon.

Would intuitive eating work for me? I don’t know. From working with Jenn, I do remember that when I gave myself “permission” to buy a donut from the bakery at Safeway, I no longer wanted one.

I can have it all. I want energy and satisfaction.

Taking the forbidden factor out of certain foods might rob them of their allure. I’ll have to explore that further. Just not right now.

Enough of that. Let’s get on to something more fun for a Friday.

Special shortsNot that it’s really a secret after I blasted it on Instagram yesterday, but these shorts are special.

How so? They’re men’s boxers from Old Navy. I got ’em on clearance for less than $3, and simply sewed up the flap before I put them on Wednesday.

Easy-peasy — and now I have a new pair of cute, comfy shorts to wear this summer. I think my Blend Retreat T-shirt will look good with them, too.

I kind of wish I’d gotten the L instead of the XL, though. When I start to lose weight, they’ll be falling off me.

Ah well. Better too big than too tight. I’ve finally come to the realization that I’d rather buy the larger size that fits comfortably than try to cram myself into a size smaller just because … duh, it’s a size smaller.

I also picked up a second pair in red/blue/purple plaid, but haven’t stitched them closed yet. Maybe that’s a project to do before work today?

Hey, I never claimed to be ultra-fashionable. I dress for comfort — and men’s boxers happen to be particularly comfortable, even more so because they were so darn cheap.

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