No one to blame but myself

I spent a weekend eating with abandon, and have no one but myself to blame. Usually, I try to blame the Boyfriend — a food pusher supreme. Often, it is his fault.

Not this time. I was on my own. We had our plot group meeting at Denny’s Saturday, and I just really wanted a hamburger and fries. So I ordered one. Then I got a milkshake — and it was delicious.

And then I fell prey to the whole “I already blew it trap.” You know the one — you eat one cookie and then, feeling deflated and defeated, you polish off the rest of the bag.

Yes, logically I know that eating one burger, fries and a shake does less nutritional damage than eating a burger, fries, shake, Reuben, chili cheese tater tots and a second shake. Somehow, even knowing that, I couldn’t stop eating. And the binge fest continued Sunday with one of those fancy new bacon cheddar Quarter Pounders (with fries), more chili cheese tots and another milkshake.

What the hell happened?

Part of the problem is that I’m just tired of watching every bite that goes into my mouth. I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat, not what I knew I should have.

Of course, eating all that junk left me unsatisfied, perpetually scrounging around for more.

Another issue: I hadn’t been keeping my food journal properly — and that meant I had no idea how many Flex Points I had left. (Even if I’d known, I’d have been WAY over the limit.) But all week last week, I’d start out the day keeping track, then eat one slightly-too-high-in-Points item and give up tracking for the day.

It should be about consistency, not perfection. I know that. Consistently making better choices has helped me lose 30-plus pounds since Jan. 1.

Yet I spent the weekend making every awful choice known to man … feeling that if I can’t eat perfectly, I might as well not even try.

Here's my sign ...

Here’s my sign …

Well, here’s my sign — again.

I promised myself I’d get back to tracking Monday — and did. I ended up eating just 34 Points, including two delicious Diet-to-Go meals. (I’m saving detailed comments for my review, which is coming. I still have a few meals to enjoy first.)

Not sure you can call it enjoying when the damn broken freezer magically decided to start working again, so it re-froze all the meals that had been chilling in there. So far, the meal quality doesn’t seem to have suffered. My fingers are crossed that it continues to be the case.

Along with the Diet-to-Go eats, I had:

  • A berry smoothie made with frozen strawberries, almond milk and PlantFusion chocolate raspberry protein powder from my Blend2013 swag bag.
  • Bell pepper strips, cherry tomatoes and 3 Tablespoons hummus
  • A skinny caramel latte from Starbucks
  • 1 oz. Emerald Sweet & Salty mixed nuts
  • A Weight Watchers 2-Point lemon bar (not clean, I realize)

Oddly enough, I was more satisfied on less food. Okay, maybe that’s not so strange. It’s one of those things I keep forgetting and having to re-learn.

As for my food journal, I’m committing to tracking every day this week.

I also want to go on record as diving back in to Amanda’s Clean & Lean Project. I haven’t been tapping its full potential — and I feel guilty about that. Each morning, I read the email and and find my head bobbing in agreement … yet when it comes time to actually DO it, I make excuses.

I’m tired. I overslept. I don’t have time to meal plan/cook/eat healthy.

Time to give up the excuses, pull on my big girl panties and take Nike’s advice.

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