So close I can taste it

You’d think that, at 41 years old, I’d have that whole self-acceptance/body love thing figured out.

Au contraire, mon frère.

I am, however, getting closer. Or at least I’m making wide circles around it, trying to home in on that most elusive of states.

Case in point: This morning, I caught myself in the mirror and thought I looked cute. I was wearing sunglasses and … well, I liked the way I looked.

It occurred to me then that It’s a short step from liking my reflection in that one instance to true self-acceptance … to loving myself just the way I am. After all, I’m not hideously overweight anymore. I don’t hate every photograph of myself. Sometimes I even think I look pretty good.

To hear many experts talk, accepting — and loving — who I am now is the key to changing for good. If I stop beating myself up (and then stuffing my face even more) when I don’t eat according to plan, the weight will come off without stressing so much over food choices.

Am I ready to take that leap? I wish I could say Tuesday’s realization was the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for all my life …

But I went to work and ate two sugar cookies (a few hours apart), then spent most of the evening fantasizing about crap from the vending machine. I also stopped at Safeway on the way home because I was craving something gooey and cheesy (lasagna).

It was totally one of those cases of “I already blew it so I might as well keep eating” — the kind of fatalistic thinking that would (hopefully) fall by the wayside if I stopped stressing about my eats.

How quickly I forgot “If you can’t turn it off, don’t turn it on.”

If I were to leap into self-acceptance this fall, here are some of the ways I’d take care of myself:

— Moving my body more, not because exercise will help me lose weight but because I love doing it. Participating in Tina’s Best Body Bootcamp is a good start (and the prizes are a strong motivator). But I want to rejoin the gym and start taking classes again.

— Viewing food as fuel, not the myriad other purposes food serves.

— Eating foods that make me feel good … and don’t provoke me to binge. For me, that means skipping bread/sugar/carbs. One bite and I go off the deep end.

— Sticking to foods that fill me up and don’t leave me searching for more: the meat, veggies and good fats that are a staple of paleo-land.

— Trying not to stress when I do make a less than optimal food choice. Mel at The Clothes Make the Girl recently did a review of Weeknight Paleo, a cookbook I find intriguing. Mel writes:

Amber shares that she strives for 95% compliance with her paleo habits and spends lots of time in the 85% area. That’s real life and real success, and I like it!

Me, too. I think part of my problem with my diet lately has been expecting perfection — and going totally off the rails when I inevitably fail to achieve it. I’m going to start tracking with my Paleo Viz app every day, aiming for a score of 70 or higher to start.

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2 responses to “So close I can taste it

  1. Way to go Arlene! I saw an interesting pic once, a note posted above a scale it said something like “this scale can only tell you about your relationship with gravity. it cannot measure beauty, talent, strength, or love.” Perfection is for losers! Be your best, it IS good enough!

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