Body as idol

Even though I haven’t been giving it its due here, Tina’s “30 Days of Self Love Reflections” continues to amaze me and make me think about my body — and myself — in new ways.

Her Monday post was on idolizing our bodies. The whole post was fantastic, as usual, but the paragraph that really got me thinking was this one:

Our bodies become idols when we can’t enjoy a night out with friends because we feel too concerned with the fit of our jeans. Our bodies serve as idols when we spend time in the gym to look better instead of feel healthier. Our bodies act as idols when we can’t comfortably allow a loved one to touch us without negative thoughts playing in our minds. Our bodies turn into idols when we have difficulty focusing on our work, surroundings, conversations, etc because we wonder if we’ll ever lose that last 5 pounds or look as good as (insert celebrity persona here). Our bodies are idols whenever we allow them to become the defining factor of our lives, instead of our relationships, passions, hobbies, and values.

Is my body an idol? Definitely, if you go by Tina’s definition: “… Something we focus on more than necessary and that inhibits us from experiencing the things in life meant to fulfill us.”

Yes, I have spent more time than I want to admit thinking about how I look (or don’t look) in a dress, pair of jeans, tank top … whatever.

Yes, I’m guilty of obsessing over losing that last 9 pounds (when I should just have been happy to have lost the first  100).

Yes, I have that elusive “perfect size” tucked away in the back of  my mind. Even this afternoon, I mentioned to the Boyfriend that I want to be a size 6. (I was an 8-10 after losing the 100-ish pounds on Atkins; got back up to a 16-18 before I started WW, and — sadly —I’m back up to about that size again.)

Yes, I have trouble believing the Boyfriend when he says he loves my body. And I’ve slapped his hands away from various parts more than once. When he compliments me, I think, “Yeah, right.”

Well, those are some of the ways I’ve put too much emphasis on the body.

What can I do to change it? Ah, if I knew the answer to that, I could cure the world’s body-image issues tomorrow.

They say a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. I guess my one step is to keep Tina’s closing line in mind:

Don’t let your body play the leading part.. It’s simply the costume for the star of the show. The real YOU!

I need to remember that whether I weigh 300 pounds or 160 pounds, my essence remains the same. My heart and soul are unchanged. I’m a talented writer (agents and editors take note, please!) and a good-hearted person with a bit of an acid tongue.

That won’t change no matter what my size.